Feeling the Blues

Everyone has times where they feel isolated and alone even depressed, at these times life can feel a bit like lifting weights, or we can live life believing that at any moment, the axe will fall. We are told by 'experts' that we should 'think positive thoughts but anyone in a real funk knows that not only doesn't help, but can make you feel like a failure creating distance between you and others. Studies show that thinking positively even for upbeat folks only helps a little when things are going wrong, for those suffering anxiety and depression it can actually make them feel worse.

A long time ago New Age professionals decided that we not only should be responsible for ourselves, but we should also take the blame for corporations going broke (redundancy is your fault), being abused as children (karma and past lives which conveniently removes any requirement for the abused to have done anything wrong, reminiscent of the original sin) and in general for life sucking. For some reason we can't just allow for mistakes, poor choices and living in the now, even though it is touted almost as a biblical text. The very nature of spiritual new age dynamics is meant to offer, not salvation, but a choice of our we interact in our lives right now, today and this affects our tomorrow.

So where does this leave us in the area of depression, anxiety or past trauma, the answer is almost too simple, it leaves us in the position of being able to heal and still feel sadness, still feel anger, still feel depressed, still feel alone or indeed to still feel. It is an impossible if not inhumane request that we stop feeling, it is after all what separates us from other species, to have moved beyond survival to a point where we can separate out and explore how we feel about things. If you don't feel you are considered a sociopath, if you don't feel and you don't care, a narcissist, if you don't feel, don't care and explore your personal desires then likely you will be a psychopath, all of which are serious diagnosis. In the modern world we bandy these about as if they are common, but selfishness isn't narcissism, just as not caring what happens to someone doesn't make you a sociopath, unfortunately wanting to rape or kill others will always make you a psychopath so just don't go there.

Back to the blues and what to do about them. Firstly you need to decide if it is a habit, this may sound a bit trite, but if you tend to be negative geared or go into a tailspin over minor things, it is worth looking into why, if it is a habit, good news you can undertake many programs to come past it or you can look at what your contribution is. For example if you live in a general state of anxiety and overspend or don't earn enough to cover your bills, you know that this is probably the cause and can be alleviated by the help of a budgeting professional or by cutting up the credit card. If you aren't happy one day and start bringing your mind to bear on all the past hurts and damages you have suffered, you are clearly giving yourself a signal that nothing today or right now is the problem, that you haven't learned how to deal with setbacks and rejections. For the most part all you need to do in these moments is ask yourself, how much is this going to affect my life really? Allow yourself to feel just that bad about it and no more.

For ongoing problems and difficulty managing your feelings the benefits of talking to someone, friend, professional or a pet are renowned, there are a few reasons why talking to a friend or family isn't always the wisest choice, they try to either fix the problem or jolly you along so they feel more comfortable. Talking to someone who tends to get impatient can push you to feel even more isolated, and who knows, maybe they have heard it all before or too often.

The benefits of talking to someone, friend, professional or a pet are renowned

Besides a professional there are other choices, we all have things we enjoy, but when we don't feel good are disinclined to do these things, so try this. If you know what is causing the issue, (if you don't worth asking yourself honestly) determine how long you are prepared to let it get you down. If it is a general cycle it is even more important to create a finish point. Time limits are great, they give you permission to feel, they give you an end that you, no one else, has set. This time limit could be a day, ten minutes but should never really be longer than 48 hours. (please note we are not talking about major life disturbances here).

At the beginning of your time limit decide what thing you are going to do that you enjoy, this could be cooking, listening to a concert, visiting a friend or going out for coffee, it doesn't have to include others, being amongst friends can be overrated as a feel good when you don't, but if it is something you want to do then do it, Dare I say exercise? While deep in your personal crisis go for a walk, it has been shown that getting out in nature and walking in particular is uplifting, if you never walk then it is a change and change is good if funks are a regular part of your life. Once your allotted time is over, then go for it as soon as possible, it is even worth timing things so you have an immediate enjoyable experience post funk, this is a way to remind yourself that life can be good too and helps to maintain a balance that click in next time, you may find that you give less time to feeling down or that it doesn't affect you quite so deeply while you have something to look forward to. Good Luck out there... 

Dorothy's Web

Weight Loss: Inner dialogue and your body

 Not everyone appreciates the total weight loss achieved over years of dieting, For those that have tried dieting a number of times it is too easy to think of yourself as a failure rather than thinking of yourself as a successful dieter. If you lose any weight, on any diet, you are a successful dieter. Has it occurred to you that serial dieting is an indication that you KNOW you can lose weight? What's more, if you diet on and off over a period of time you also know you can do so repeatedly, quitting a diet is your way of taking back control in a situation even if it is misguided. I say misguided because starting the diet in the first place indicates you want to be something other than what you are,

The problem isn't the return to previous weight (or more), as this is only an indication of being released from a regime, or having met your goal and not having a new goal to aim for. There really is only one question, can your body survive what you do to it? Maybe you need to understand that a person who is over size, but maintaining a stable weight, lives longer than those persons who serial diet, It may be worth looking at a way to have your cake and eat it too.

Start with food focus, the absolute focus on food ensures you will overeat, wouldn't it be lovely to just forget about it and live a normal life, dealing with food in a way that makes you feel good about yourself. Let's look at where placing your attention does more harm than good.

Over emphasis on what type of food you are going to eat:

Wanting chippies and denying yourself them is a form of punishment, it is never going to work. It draws your mind to what you can't have, and keeps it there until you are almost obsessed if not completely obsessed with the foods you are trying to avoid. The chances this is in line with how you feel or have felt about other things, wanting what you can't have or are denied, whether by parents, financial constraints or that crush that didn't want to know you in high school. Learning not to care about what you can't have will help you focus on what you really want.  You will recognize some of these in other areas of your life, when you do, take the time to look at the fundamental thought, rather than the symptoms which represent the pattern of thinking, using blockers and switches works really well, it isn't immediate so persistence in using a simple tool will pay off big time.

Inner Dialogue:

Let's face it, we have all heard the inner dialogue spiel, but it was popularized based on genuine research, How we communicate with others is an indication to them of our character, how we communicate to ourselves is an indication of our attitude. This can be how we feel about ourselves (insults) and what we were taught. Poor teaching can lead to bad habits. Here are a few common (food) phrases that need to be monitored at least, stopped completely at best.

I'm starving: No you're not, you are hungry, you may have not eaten for a while but you are NOT starving, if you were, weight wouldn't be an issue. For many it is likely this comes from being told not to waste food as a kid, because there are starving kids in the world. The teaching is to eat everything whether you are hungry or not, the justification is starving, even if that means others it is justification nevertheless. It is the energy of exaggeration which can apply to anything and probably does apply to more than food if you use it.

The switch: I am hungry, (yep that is it), How you use it.Your inner dialogue goes something like this,

" I'm STARVING."   "That's not true, I am only HUNGRY it's time for lunch." 

I just have to have it: No you don't, you want it, there is a big difference. As soon as you tell yourself you have to have something, it is believed, Setting up cravings, and a body held desire because you have conditioned your body to believe nothing else. A few years ago it was discovered that body cells understand language, this means it doesn't have to be 'processed' via the ears, eyes and brain per se. Every word you utter has an energetic attachment in how it is said and what it means to you completely, which explains the instant body response to certain phrases and emotions conveyed before a word is uttered. Have to is the dialogue of the addict, it justifies having something you know is damaging to your body, your wallet, or your life in general.

The Blocker:  Wait, honestly, stop, no in any sentence that negates the original dialogue. Use often, repeat every time, and before long you will notice a shift in how you think as the dialogue gives way to more appropriate suggestions.

" I just have to have it. WAIT, I am not doing that any more, HONESTLY I just want it.

These are two examples that can be placed in any type of exaggerated inner dialogue, when used often you will notice a change, that change is permanent, while you may still occasionally slip into the habit you will recognize it immediately so that over time it becomes a rare occurrence.

Taking the focus off the food itself and bringing it back to the core issues related to the food, makes it a fairly natural process to reduce intake without even appearing to try. These are long term changes rather than short term fixes. You can get a running start by looking at hypnotherapy for weight loss, with the charm of modern styles making it a cheap and easy thing to do, Here are a few links to my online Hypnotherapy Downloads, available from google play and downloadable to any device (yes apple has a google play app)

21 day HypnoDiet

Eat Less, Lose Weight

Change Habits: Be a willing partner in the change you seek

Three Gates: Eliminate Resistance

Motivation: Get started or develop new incentives

Guilt: Life Inhibitor

Guilt holds so many traps and obstacles that it is difficult to know where to start. Many of us are taught to feel guilty from a young age, with starving Ethiopians being the standard to get you to eat copious amounts of food when you were a child. For still others there is the blame apportioned to them as children because their father left or their mother had a headache. The less recognizable insidious methods in which blame is poured onto young minds is from schools where punishment is meted out to a class due to the actions of one or when an adult has trauma or difficulty in their life, the children around them are made to feel their own actions are somehow the cause.

Life can be difficult enough to navigate without the hidden aspects of undeserved guilt. Don't get me wrong, there are no doubt things you should feel guilty for, but only if they happened today, If you have an event that goes back far enough it can't be fixed in some way, then learning to accept the error of your ways is the fastest way to move on. Our courts function in this manner, feel remorse and all is forgiven, minus the due consequence of course. Like all our emotions guilt has a purpose, those who don't feel guilt in any way are our sociopaths and potentially psychopathic. Even a narcissist feels guilt at times, they just temper it with what they think the world owes them and so find it easy to put aside, or it flares as bad behaviour towards other less important mortals.

For you today guilt can be firmly put in it's place, it is a barometer of behaviours, if you have a lot of things you feel guilty about, then you have some behaviours YOU are not happy with, Guilt never has anything to do with anything else, Do you feel guilty for lying to make someone else feel happy? Chances are you don't, let's face it, we have all told that 'you are looking great' lie. Guilt in itself describes your values to you, if you don't like liars you will be struck down by guilt when you behave that way, If you find yourself talking about someone behind their back but have consistently mentioned how you dislike that sort of thing, you will be struck by guilt. It isn't honesty that drives a criminal to confess or a person having an affair to tell all to their spouse, often the latter does more damage than not telling ever would have. What it does, is alleviates that ongoing feeling of guilt. I am of the notion that if what you did was bad enough for you to feel guilt that can't be assuaged without unnecessarily hurting someone, then you deserve it, hold it and promise yourself never to do that again. In the case of the criminal, they are looking for the punishment to help alleviate the guilt, in most cases (including the confessional) it is in the telling that a person feels a lift.

These are easy to manage and evolve. You feel the guilt, you stop the behaviour, If the situation makes it possible, you apologize, trust me, that lifts the guilt too, but in all cases the single biggest factor will be in NOT continuing the behaviours that make you feel bad about yourself, Feeling bad about yourself is guilt in play.  For the guilt that comes from things you didn't do, or might do, or when guilt has become a way of life, this hypnosis will put it right where it belongs. at the edge of your psyche, where it can play it's role as behaviour monitor and moderator, without affecting every decision you make, your relationships and more. It is in guilt that we feel undeserving of good things and it is in guilt that we hold ourselves in addiction, you can release past guilt and quite simply move on.

Dorothy holds a Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy attained from the New Zealand School of Hypnosis and has thirteen years experience both as an Hypnotherapist and founder of the Vibrational Expansion Technique of Energy Therapies

Recorded buy and watch now

Guilt Workshop and Hypnotherapy  $20